He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
