I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
