watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
