You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
