My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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