Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
