Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
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She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
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I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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