Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
