We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
