dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
