...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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