i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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