I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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