I just saw a hot homeless man
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
