What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Randomize
