Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
