Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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