Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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