I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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