did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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