Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
