Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
