My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
