Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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