he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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