I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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