the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
