I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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