if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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