She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
