Define "chronic" masturbator.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
