Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
