My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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