i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
