she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
