I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
