Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
