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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
