When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
