one two three fourrrrnication!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
