i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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