During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We need to rekindle our bromance
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
