Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
