Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
