Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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