I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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