She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
