What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
