garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
