I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize