I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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