dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
