It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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