what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't deserve a penis
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
