Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
