the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
