The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
