you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize