You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
