and i looked up. we had an audience...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
