I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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