I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
