VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you never un-have a 4some
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
