I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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