Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There r osticjed everywhere
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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