I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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