I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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