He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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