If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
