He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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