my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
