how can u be prego again
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
