Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What a fucking waste of an outfit
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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