It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Did I show you my penis last night?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
