Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
