Texts From Last Night

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Happy Easter!!!

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm an idiot

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  (517): Happy Easter!!! (248): I'm an idiot http://tfl.nu/fix2
  Replies (3) Good night (1019) Bad night (641)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.

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  (954): I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay. http://tfl.nu/qnk1
  Replies (32) Good night (1628) Bad night (5478)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there

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  (504): i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there http://tfl.nu/461i
  Replies (4) Good night (2083) Bad night (583)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.

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  (847): She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing. http://tfl.nu/qwo3
  Replies (15) Good night (2174) Bad night (4311)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.

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  (978): and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic. http://tfl.nu/tsdy
  Replies (26) Good night (754) Bad night (4764)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.

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  (303): He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool. http://tfl.nu/8q12
  Replies (14) Good night (7112) Bad night (1785)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.

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  (203): My vagina is depressed thinking about her future. http://tfl.nu/t288
  Replies (11) Good night (901) Bad night (2336)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.

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  (732): Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore. http://tfl.nu/0dve
  Replies (25) Good night (1458) Bad night (3097)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun

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  (337): I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun http://tfl.nu/exga
  Replies (0) Good night (1195) Bad night (660)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I have a broken liver

  (1-575): View more from New Mexico

  I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.

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  (575): I have a broken liver (1-575): I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us. http://tfl.nu/0hjr
  Replies (2) Good night (1274) Bad night (645)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.

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  (720): I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice. http://tfl.nu/c8dh
  Replies (9) Good night (1201) Bad night (444)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here

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  (859): Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here http://tfl.nu/0vaz
  Replies (9) Good night (701) Bad night (1485)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future 

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  (403): Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future  http://tfl.nu/vgsd
  Replies (3) Good night (805) Bad night (443)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?

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  (201): Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school? (1-201): Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator? http://tfl.nu/6fl4
  Replies (1) Good night (597) Bad night (335)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.

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  (585): I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk. http://tfl.nu/g15a
  Replies (0) Good night (456) Bad night (289)

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