Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.

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  (816): We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs. http://tfl.nu/qooi
  Replies (24) Good night (4794) Bad night (993)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.

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  (978): i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite. http://tfl.nu/yk7i
  Replies (22) Good night (8307) Bad night (829)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him

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  (412): He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him http://tfl.nu/4xvd
  Replies (13) Good night (4127) Bad night (959)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Missed another period

  (1-239): View more from Florida

  I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.

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  (239): Missed another period (1-239): I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair. http://tfl.nu/33ef
  Replies (10) Good night (1353) Bad night (3833)
• Favorite

  (779): View more from Illinois

  Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us

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  (779): Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us http://tfl.nu/jk9n
  Replies (2) Good night (2319) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.

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  (814): The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge. http://tfl.nu/3qou
  Replies (6) Good night (3331) Bad night (872)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class

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  (269): I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class http://tfl.nu/65qj
  Replies (7) Good night (2656) Bad night (715)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.

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  (206): Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me. http://tfl.nu/pgvw
  Replies (8) Good night (1211) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge

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  (774): I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge http://tfl.nu/5u98
  Replies (6) Good night (1277) Bad night (610)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.

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  (816): I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me. http://tfl.nu/6mnq
  Replies (7) Good night (577) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches

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  (314): Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches http://tfl.nu/40rq
  Replies (1) Good night (1255) Bad night (876)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.

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  (479): Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage. http://tfl.nu/89e2
  Replies (2) Good night (555) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I probably wouldn't

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  (443): Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood (410): I probably wouldn't http://tfl.nu/wahv
  Replies (1) Good night (637) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"

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  (812): I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!" http://tfl.nu/pzfy
  Replies (0) Good night (449) Bad night (191)
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  (456): View more from

  It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...

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  (456): It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together... http://tfl.nu/cfxq
  Replies (1) Good night (572) Bad night (127)

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