Texts From Last Night

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  (713): View more from Texas

  Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight

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  (713): Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight http://tfl.nu/37pc
  Replies (22) Good night (697) Bad night (2360)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.

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  (313): theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen. http://tfl.nu/by0t
  Replies (16) Good night (1661) Bad night (3338)
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  (631): View more from New York

  i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker

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  (631): i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker http://tfl.nu/xdfg
  Replies (16) Good night (4776) Bad night (1247)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.

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  (513): He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it. http://tfl.nu/a93z
  Replies (13) Good night (4601) Bad night (1006)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!

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  (519): Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit. (416): Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?! http://tfl.nu/iavy
  Replies (39) Good night (10386) Bad night (1213)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.

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  (843): The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson. http://tfl.nu/6x6n
  Replies (22) Good night (1677) Bad night (5608)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.

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  (972): Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone. http://tfl.nu/2947
  Replies (4) Good night (1224) Bad night (2914)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same

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  (630): we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same http://tfl.nu/ozek
  Replies (40) Good night (2313) Bad night (6879)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.

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  (307): Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER. http://tfl.nu/f1x9
  Replies (9) Good night (2732) Bad night (589)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.

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  (317): I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one. http://tfl.nu/jdn1
  Replies (6) Good night (1455) Bad night (684)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza

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  (403): He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza http://tfl.nu/hh1z
  Replies (3) Good night (1652) Bad night (506)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.

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  (678): I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos. http://tfl.nu/fnmm
  Replies (7) Good night (965) Bad night (468)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.

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  (715): I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out. http://tfl.nu/zox5
  Replies (1) Good night (971) Bad night (753)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.

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  (912): But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate. http://tfl.nu/0oig
  Replies (4) Good night (650) Bad night (258)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility

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  (207): If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you (1-207): Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility http://tfl.nu/lgaa
  Replies (1) Good night (489) Bad night (241)

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