Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
His hands were made for my vagina.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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