He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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