I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.