The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.