Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?