three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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