Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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