Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Houston, we have a squirter
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
