He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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