Sry I called you an 8
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
