I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
