sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
