I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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