he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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