just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
