some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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